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Imagine how much simpler life would be if you focused solely on what people do, rather than trying to figure out what they mean or intend. It’s a perspective shift that can save you time, energy, and even frustration. Think about this: when someone repeatedly misses deadlines or creates conflict, does it really matter if their intentions were good? At the end of the day, their behavior has the biggest impact—not their motives.
This approach—evaluating actions over assumptions—has become a cornerstone in how I navigate both my personal and professional life. It’s not about being harsh or dismissive; it’s about clarity and efficiency. By removing the guesswork around people’s intentions, you can focus on what actually matters: observable behavior. The results? Better communication, faster solutions, and less wasted energy.
Let’s dive into why this mindset shift is so powerful and how you can apply it in your own life.
What's Holding You Back?
One of the biggest barriers to this approach is our natural inclination to assume good intentions. For example, you might find yourself saying, “They didn’t mean to mess up” or “Their heart was in the right place.” While these sentiments can be compassionate, they often lead to enabling poor behavior, especially if the actions remain unchanged.
Another challenge is emotional attachment. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or a trusted colleague, it’s hard to separate what someone does from how you feel about them. This emotional bias can cloud your judgment and make it harder to address issues objectively.
Additionally, fear of confrontation can hold you back. Addressing behavior means having uncomfortable conversations, and many people shy away from that. It’s easier to hope things will change on their own. Spoiler: they usually don’t.
Finally, there’s the myth of potential. “But they have so much potential!” How many times have you justified someone’s actions based on what you think they could become? Potential is a wonderful thing, but it’s just that—potential. Until it turns into action, it’s irrelevant.
Discovering the Path Forward
The first step is to shift your focus entirely to observable behavior. What is the person actually doing? Not what they’re saying, or what you think they mean—what are the actions you can see and measure? This shift removes the emotional guesswork and gives you a clear starting point for addressing issues.
Once you’ve identified the behavior, address it directly. Let’s say you have a team member who frequently disrupts meetings. Instead of saying, “I feel like you’re not being supportive,” try, “When you interrupt others in meetings, it prevents the team from staying on track. Let’s work on waiting until others finish speaking before contributing.” See the difference? One is vague and emotional; the other is clear and actionable.
Another key element is setting expectations. When you provide someone with specific, actionable steps, you’re giving them a roadmap for success. For instance, if someone’s tardiness is an issue, don’t just say, “Be on time.” Instead, say, “Let’s aim for you to arrive five minutes early for the next month to ensure we start meetings on schedule.”
Finally, follow up. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and accountability is crucial. Check in regularly to see how the person is implementing the changes. This isn’t about micromanaging; it’s about ensuring progress.
Simple Steps to Start Today
Observe Without Judgment Before addressing any issue, spend a week simply observing. Take note of patterns in behavior without making assumptions about intentions.
Identify the Specific Actions Focus on actions, not personalities. For example, instead of labeling someone as “lazy,” note that they missed three deadlines in the past month.
Communicate Clearly When addressing the behavior, be specific. Replace “You’re always late” with “You arrived 15 minutes late to the last three meetings, which delayed the team’s progress.”
Provide an Action Plan Give actionable solutions, such as “Set a reminder 10 minutes before our meeting to ensure you’re on time.” The more concrete, the better.
Monitor Progress Regularly check in to assess improvements and adjust the plan if needed. Celebrate progress, even if it’s small—it reinforces positive change.
Igniting Your Motivation
Here’s the exciting part: when you start focusing on actions, not assumptions, you’ll notice how much easier it becomes to solve problems. There’s no need to get caught up in endless debates about intentions or potential. You’re simply addressing what’s in front of you—and that’s incredibly freeing.
Think of this approach as a gift to yourself and others. By focusing on clear, actionable feedback, you’re giving people the tools to improve. At the same time, you’re protecting your energy and eliminating unnecessary frustration. It’s a win-win.
Remember, progress comes from action, not intention. Even the best plans won’t matter if they aren’t executed. So, keep your focus on what people do—and don’t be afraid to hold them (and yourself) accountable.
Insights from Dr. Peter Gagliardo
Dr. Peter Gagliardo, a respected expert in behavioral change, emphasizes the importance of clarity in communication. “When we focus on actions rather than assumptions, we create a foundation for real progress,” he says. “People are often more willing to change when they’re given clear, actionable feedback instead of vague criticisms.”
Dr. Gagliardo also highlights the value of accountability. “It’s not about being punitive; it’s about creating an environment where growth is possible. Accountability isn’t a punishment—it’s a pathway to improvement.”
Take Your Next Step Toward Clarity
If you’re ready to take control of your relationships, your team dynamics, or even your own habits, start by focusing on actions. Need help crafting a strategy that works for you? Let’s connect. Schedule a free discovery call today at Worcester Holistic Health and Wellness.
Together, we’ll create a personalized plan to help you identify the behaviors that matter and take steps toward meaningful change. Your path to clarity starts here—let’s take the first step together.
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