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Addiction can often be misunderstood. Many people see it as solely a dependence on substances like drugs or alcohol. But addiction goes much deeper—it’s not just about substances; it’s often rooted in hidden emotional pain. In fact, the substance or behavior that someone clings to isn’t the real problem; it’s more of a coping tool, a way to manage or numb something deeper. This may sound surprising, but it’s a perspective that sheds light on why so many people struggle with addiction, even when they have the best intentions to stop.
Think about it: some people find themselves addicted to things that aren’t substances at all—like relationships, risky behaviors, or even work. The patterns may differ, but at the core, each addiction shares a common thread. It’s a tool to escape discomfort, to mask a feeling that’s too painful to face head-on. Dr. Gabor Maté, a leading voice on addiction, explains it this way: the drug or behavior isn't the problem. It’s actually the solution, albeit a solution that can lead to life-damaging consequences.
The question then becomes, What is that underlying issue the addiction is trying to fix? For many, it’s a sense of discomfort within themselves—a constant feeling of being out of place, even when surrounded by others. It’s feeling alone, isolated, or not fully “seen.” This gnawing discomfort often leads people to seek out something—anything—to numb it. Let’s take a closer look at what might be at the root of this and how we can address it.
What's Holding You Back?
It’s not easy to admit, but for many people, addiction stems from a deep discomfort with themselves. Imagine feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, like you don’t quite belong, even in a room full of people. You might find yourself wondering, Why can’t I just feel at ease? This nagging feeling often leads people to search for ways to escape or numb the discomfort, whether through substances, behaviors, or relationships.
Consider someone who struggles with addiction to alcohol. They may not drink because they love the taste, but because it takes the edge off those uncomfortable feelings. It quiets the thoughts that tell them they don’t belong. In essence, the addiction becomes a tool—a way to manage the pain of feeling apart from others or uneasy within.
It’s also interesting to note that addiction doesn’t have to involve drugs or alcohol. Some people find themselves addicted to high-risk behaviors or relationships that aren’t healthy. These addictions might not look like the ones we typically imagine, but they’re rooted in the same underlying discomfort. It’s not about the specific behavior; it’s about the need to escape.
The real challenge? Facing these feelings without relying on an escape. It’s a difficult task, but one that can lead to real, lasting change.
Discovering the Path Forward
Once we recognize that addiction is often about avoiding discomfort within, the next step is to find healthier ways to address that feeling. One approach is to become more comfortable with the feeling itself. It sounds strange, but learning to sit with discomfort—even just a little at a time—can reduce the need to escape from it. Instead of rushing to numb the feeling, take a moment to observe it. Notice when it arises and explore what might be causing it.
Building a support system can also be incredibly helpful. When people feel they truly belong, that sense of being “apart from” others often diminishes. Supportive friends or a therapy group can make a world of difference. Just having people who listen without judgment can provide relief and show you’re not alone in what you’re going through.
Mindfulness practices like meditation can also play a big role. Techniques such as deep breathing or guided imagery allow us to explore our feelings without judgment. Research shows that mindfulness can decrease stress and help manage cravings, making it an effective tool for those struggling with addiction.
In addition, consider speaking to a counselor or therapist who specializes in addiction and trauma. They can provide insights into why these feelings exist and work with you to develop coping strategies that don’t rely on self-destructive behaviors.
Simple Steps to Start Today
If you’re ready to start addressing addiction in a healthier way, here are some practical steps you can try today:
Notice the Feeling: The next time you feel the urge to reach for your usual escape, pause. Take a moment to notice what you’re feeling. Label it, whether it’s loneliness, anxiety, or restlessness. Sometimes, simply naming the emotion can make it feel more manageable.
Breathe Through It: Practice a few deep breaths. Inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for four, then exhale for four. This simple technique helps calm the nervous system, making it easier to sit with discomfort rather than run from it.
Reach Out to Someone: Instead of turning to your usual escape, call a friend or loved one. Even a brief conversation can remind you that you’re not alone and that there are people who care about you.
Set Small Goals: If the idea of quitting a behavior completely feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. For example, if you usually drink every night, try skipping one night or delaying your first drink by an hour.
Starting small can build confidence, making it easier to work up to bigger changes over time.
Igniting Your Motivation
Motivation is key in any recovery journey, but it often ebbs and flows. During challenging moments, remind yourself why you started. Perhaps there’s a vision of a healthier, more fulfilled life that you’re working toward. Hold onto that image; it can act as your anchor.
Stories of others who have overcome addiction can also be deeply inspiring. Many people have walked this path and found success by tapping into their own resilience. Reading or hearing these stories can remind you that lasting change is possible.
Another technique for staying motivated is to celebrate small wins. Each time you choose a healthy coping strategy, take a moment to acknowledge your progress. These small steps add up, and recognizing them can fuel your commitment.
Lastly, try to focus on the positive aspects of change. Rather than thinking about what you’re giving up, think about what you’re gaining—a sense of control, better health, and stronger relationships. These are the rewards that come with breaking free from addiction.
Insights from Dr. Peter Gagliardo
Dr. Peter Gagliardo, an expert in behavioral health, emphasizes that addiction recovery is as much a journey of self-rediscovery as it is about breaking habits. “Addiction isn’t just about removing a substance or behavior from your life,” he explains. “It’s about building a new relationship with yourself, where you no longer need to escape.”
Dr. Gagliardo also suggests that one of the most powerful tools in recovery is mindfulness. “When we practice mindfulness, we learn to sit with our discomfort rather than run from it. This, over time, reduces the intensity of cravings and helps us find peace within ourselves.”
With his expertise, Dr. Gagliardo encourages a holistic approach, focusing on both mental and emotional healing. He believes that by working through underlying issues—whether it’s loneliness, fear, or shame—individuals can create lasting change.
The journey may not be easy, but as Dr. Gagliardo reminds us, “With patience and the right support, anyone can break free from the patterns holding them back.”
Take Your Next Step Toward Change
Ready to start your journey? Take the first step by scheduling a free discovery call with us here. Let’s work together to build a path toward healthier coping and a stronger, more resilient you.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight, but every small step moves you closer to the life you deserve. This journey is about building self-acceptance and finding healthier ways to cope. If you’re ready, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
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