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Ever feel like you’re on repeat, telling your kids the same thing over and over, but they just don’t listen? It can be so frustrating to ask them to put their shoes on for school or clean up their toys—only to find yourself saying it 100 times! You might feel like they’re ignoring you on purpose, and before you know it, you’re raising your voice just to be heard.
You’re not alone. In fact, many parents struggle to get their kids to listen the first time. Research shows that over 70% of parents feel like they have to repeat themselves daily. But what if there was an easier way to get your child’s attention without the yelling and frustration?
You might think, “My child just doesn’t listen.” But sometimes, it’s not that they don’t want to listen—it’s how we’re giving directions that makes a difference. Let's explore how you can make small changes to get your kids to pay attention the first time you ask.
What’s Holding You Back?
It’s normal to feel like you’re doing something wrong when your child doesn’t listen. But sometimes, we end up telling them what not to do instead of what we actually want them to do. Picture this: you're trying to get your child ready for school, and you say, “Stop playing with your toys and put your shoes on!” Instead of hearing “put your shoes on,” they hear “stop playing with your toys,” which may not be as clear.
We often repeat instructions because we want our kids to act right away. But each time we repeat ourselves in frustration, it can create a cycle where they only respond after we’ve said it over and over—usually louder each time. It’s not that they don't hear you; they might just be tuning out the repetition.
Think about it. If your child is absorbed in a game or a fun activity, hearing “stop that” over and over doesn’t tell them what they should be doing. And it’s hard to blame them; even adults don’t like being told what they’re doing wrong without knowing how to make it right.
Remember, it's okay to feel frustrated when your child doesn't listen right away. But by changing how we talk to them, we can break the cycle and create better cooperation.
Discovering the Path Forward
So, how do you get your kids to listen the first time? It starts with how you give directions. One of the biggest changes you can make is to use “positive opposites.” That means telling your child what you want them to do, not just what you don’t want them to do. Instead of saying, “Don’t leave your shoes in the living room,” try saying, “Please put your shoes by the door.”
Another tip is to make sure you're giving directions close to your child. Get within arm’s distance and gently touch their shoulder to get their attention. If you're across the room shouting commands, it’s easy for them to get distracted and not follow through. By getting closer and making eye contact, you show them that you mean business.
According to child behavior experts, it's also important to stay calm and check your tone. When we’re frustrated, our tone can change, and kids pick up on that right away. A calm, clear voice helps keep their attention and creates a feeling of connection.
Remember, you’re not alone in this! Many parents have found that with just a few changes, they can create better communication and cooperation with their kids.
Simple Steps to Start Today
Here are 5 easy tricks you can try today to get your kids to listen the first time:
Get Close: Walk over to your child, get on their level, and make eye contact before giving a direction. This helps them know you're serious and makes it easier for them to hear you.
Use Positive Language: Tell them what you want them to do, like “Please put your cup in the sink,” instead of “Don’t leave your cup on the table.”
Give Simple Steps: Break down your directions into small actions. For example, instead of “Get ready for school,” say, “Put on your shoes,” then “Grab your backpack.”
Stay Calm and Clear: Keep your voice steady and calm. Kids respond better when they don’t feel like they're being yelled at.
Help Them Follow Through: If your child is struggling to follow the direction, offer a hand. Walk with them to complete the task, like saying, “Let’s put your coat on together.”
These small adjustments can make a big difference in how your child listens and follows through. Give them a try, and see how they work for you!
Igniting Your Motivation
It’s easy to feel like your kids “just won’t listen.” But remember, every small change you make helps create better communication with your child. Think about all the times they did listen when you gave them clear, calm instructions. Those moments are proof that you can build a strong, positive connection with your child.
A helpful quote to remember is by Fred Rogers: “The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.” When you talk to your kids with kindness and honesty, they learn how to connect with you in a deeper way. Your patience, love, and clear communication will show them how to respond positively.
Every day is a new chance to practice these simple steps, and every time you do, you're building a stronger bond with your child. Keep going, and celebrate each small win!
Insights from Dr. Peter Gagliardo
Dr. Peter Gagliardo is an experienced coach and parenting expert who has spent over 20 years helping parents find better ways to communicate with their children. He knows that raising kids can be both rewarding and challenging, and his mission is to make the journey easier for families.
“One of the best things you can do is model the behavior you want to see,” says Dr. Gagliardo. “When you use clear, calm instructions, your child learns how to respond in the same way.” By focusing on positive guidance and support, Dr. Gagliardo helps parents and kids build lasting connections and improve their communication skills.
His approach is all about making small changes that lead to big improvements in listening and cooperation.
Take Your Next Step Toward Connection
Ready to enjoy more cooperation and less frustration with your child? It all starts with small changes and a willingness to try something new. Schedule a free discovery call, and let's talk about how you can improve communication with your child for a more peaceful home.
Every parent deserves to feel understood, and every child deserves to feel heard. Let’s work together to make that happen!
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